PARENTING

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How Do Our Names Affect Us

Choosing a meaningful name for our children

By Maayan Jaffe

Our names are the key to who we are. They distinguish us from other people and serve as a reflection of our parents’ characters, as well as the characteristics they hoped we, as their children, would embody.

The name is the first identity a child has. He or she learns to say it and spell it. Names, say psychologists, rabbis and parents, should not be taken lightly.

Take Hope Blumenthal of Pikesville. Her parents named her in honor of her maternal grandfather, Harold. They had wanted to use an “H” name, explains Blumenthal, but they wanted something with meaning. Growing up, she says, she didn’t necessarily appreciate the impact of her parents’ selection. However, as she grew into her name she came to cherish it.

“Since I have been married, my husband and I have been through several challenges in life, and the meaning of my name has come up and been a source of comfort,” Blumenthal says.

In addition, Blumenthal grew up closely connected to her maternal grandmother, Harold’s wife. She admits she has not taken enough time to learn about her namesake, but says being named after her grandfather always served as a source of pride.

Naming expert Jennifer Moss, founder of the Web site babynames.com and author of “The One-in-a-Million Baby Name Book” (Perigee Trade), says one’s name can affect the way others react to you and can affect your personality. She explains that if a child has a “teasable” name, or one people can’t spell or pronounce, it can create problems in that child’s life.

“Some people can move beyond their strange name and some people are intimidated by it. If a person tends to be shy or emotional, it could have very strong negative impact,” she says. “However, there is no conclusive evidence that a name will allow you to become a certain thing or shape your personality,” she says.

Moss says upon first meeting, one makes immediate personal or mass association with the other person’s name. Personal association occurs when you identify the new acquaintance with everyone else you know with that same name. Mass association is where you identify the person with all the famous people you are aware of with that name.

Nowadays, says Moss, parents are getting more creative with names, likely due to the influence of the media. Many new parents are paying attention to the open discussions among celebrities of their pregnancies and choices of names for their children. If Gwyneth Paltrow can name her child Apple, parents think, they can get away with that too. However, cautions Moss, there is a difference between a celebrity’s child and the average kid, so parents should be careful not to take the creative naming thing too far.

What are other recent naming trends? Staying away from nicknames, says Moss. Whereas a generation ago parents opted for names with friendly-sounding nicknames, today more and more parents say they are pushing for their children to be called by their formal names.

Most parents are aware of the impact their choice of names can have on their children and they do discuss the decision for several months before their babies are born. Allyson Lestner of Towson says she and husband Craig, who have two children, began discussing names around the third month of both of her pregnancies. It took until the actual birth for them to feel confident in their choices: Gabe Samuel for their first son and Luke Andrew for their second-born. The Lestners wanted names that were not too trendy but that were still easy to spell. In both cases, they wanted to name after relatives to whom they felt strongly connected.

“With Luke, we were going back and forth with him. We thought we wanted to name for my grandmother, Lenore, who had died a couple of years ago.

But we kept wavering. He was born on Valentine’s Day and his brit ended up on my grandmother’s birthday. So it was very special to go with Luke and name for her,” Lestner explains.

Blumenthal and husband Toby also named for relatives with whom they were close. Their two children, Lily Eve and Julia Pearl, says Blumenthal, are constant reminders of the relatives they knew and loved. However, they wanted to ensure their children would feel good about their names. Julia is named for Yetta. They changed the name based on several considerations.

“We looked at what her initials would be. We made sure it flowed well with our last name. We considered nicknames and the number of syllables. Blumenthal already has three syllables, so we didn’t want anything too long,” she says.

The Jewish Name

While male Biblical names have always been popular — parents tend to name boys more conservatively, says Moss — female biblical names are gaining in popularity. Among American Jews, it is very common to provide children with both English and Hebrew names. The importance of giving a Jewish name to one’s child should not be taken for granted, says Rabbi Andrew Busch of Baltimore Hebrew Congregation.

A Jewish name is a special way for each of us to connect to our general Jewish heritage.

“If you give your child a Jewish name,” explains Maryanna Korwitts, a certified nameologist, “he or she is much more likely to remain connected to the faith.”

Rabbi Aaron Frank of Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community School and Pikesville’s Netivot Shalom says he has seen a growing trend towards parents selecting Hebrew or Jewish names as their children’s primary name. He also sees parents being bolder in their name selections, giving their children creative, unique Jewish names that reflect the wide breadth of what our tradition has to offer.

There are no rules to choosing Jewish names, according to Busch and Frank.

However, it is uncommon for those of Ashkenazi descent to name for a living relative. That tradition dates back to a superstition from the Middle Ages to avoid having the Angel of Death take the newborn child instead of the aging relative, by mistake. That does not mean it cannot be done.

Most traditionally, Frank says, new parents choose a Hebrew name in honor of a lost relative, but he sees parents select Hebrew names based on a recent spiritual experience, reflecting their connection to God or their relation to the Jewish people in general. In Orthodox families, it is common to select a name from the Torah portion closest to the time of the birth of the child.

Just like when choosing your child’s English name, giving your child a Jewish name, says Frank, “is something that should be taken with very, very intense meditation, discussion and reflection.

It is your opportunity to share with the world what you are about.”

Five most popular male names
1. Jacob
2. Michael
3. Ethan
4. Joshua
5. Daniel

Five most popular male names in Maryland
1. Jacob
2. Michael
3. Ryan
4. Joshua
5. William

Five most popular female names
1. Emma
2. Isabella
3. Emily
4. Madison
5. Ava

Five most popular female names in Maryland
1. Madison
2. Emily
3. Emma
4. Olivia
5. Ava