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Teaching Children About Tisha B’Av

Bringing contemporary meaning to history

By Rochelle Eisenberg

For many Jewish families, Tisha B’Av barely hits the radar screen. Falling in summer, when kids aren’t in religious or day school, the commemorative day is just a passing thought — maybe slightly more, if day camp is closed.

Yet, Tisha B’Av, which falls on the ninth day of the Hebrew month of Av (this year on July 30) commemorates a major historical event in Jewish history: the destruction of the two Temples in Jerusalem, first by the Babylonians and then the Romans. After the destruction of the second Temple, the Jewish people scattered throughout the diaspora for thousands of years.

Not only that, but throughout the centuries, there also have been a number of tragedies in Jewish history that have been attributed to this date. (See box below.)

For some in the Jewish community, adults fast to mourn the Temple’s destruction. Leading up to the day of mourning, they don’t attend celebrations, don’t go on big vacations and keep purchases to mere necessities.

For others, the day passes as a mere blip on the calendar and explaining its meaning to youngsters can be tricky, in particular making them understand its relevance to contemporary times. However, there are a number of lessons that families can take away from the day to make it meaningful as well as creative ways to help young children understand its significance.

For younger children, the approach might be more concrete. To illustrate the Temple’s destruction and the devastating sadness associated with it, one might literally build a temple using blocks, suggests Elana Moskowitz, who is a parent and former Judaics studies teacher.

Then, she suggests, have an adult or older child knock it down. That could spark a discussion with youngsters about what they are feeling. Are they angry? Are they sad? Relate their feelings to what the Jews might have felt when the Temple was destroyed.

Her daughter, Sigalle, can recall just that experience when she attended Camp Giva in upstate New York. There the younger kids built a building from milk crates and the older group knocked it down.

When speaking with elementary and middle school children, Rachel Glaser, education director of Beth Israel Religious School, who also spent 25 years as director of overnight camp Habonim Dror, puts a contemporary feel on any discussion. Talk to them about how American Jews today have a pretty good Jewish life, where they don’t have to hide their Jewishness, she suggests.

Today, she says, Jews “have positive relationships with both Jewish and non-Jewish friends, and often little sense of being threatened.”

Then, she recommends reading books about Jews and their families in different cultures and in different times (perhaps during the Spanish Inquisition) or showing a movie, such as “Fiddler on the Roof,” which demonstrates how the Jewish people over time didn’t always feel as comfortable as they do today.

Rabbi Aaron Frank, principal of the high school at Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community School, adds that children, beginning around the third of fourth grade, can talk about one child who lived through the Holocaust or through the Spanish Inquisition and what links these families to those from the Temple days. “Imagine what happens when the center of the community is lost,” he says.

You can also tie the concept of loss into contemporary events, such as Hurricane Katrina, adds Moskowitz. “There, people lost normal things, but still have something,” she says.

Glaser also adds that Tisha B’Av is a great time for families to talk with their children about what they can do to strengthen Jewish life. “Our responsibility is to keep Jewish life strong and vibrant,” she says.

The Talmud, Rabbi Frank says, points to several reasons why the Temples were destroyed, with idol worship the cause of the first Temple’s demise.

Today, he says, in some ways, we too have idol worship, whether it’s our phones, our houses, our cars. Use this period to talk about what’s really important to us.

The second Temple, the Talmud says, was destroyed because of baseless hatred. That theme is very relevant today, even for children as young as kindergarten age.

A perfect example, Rabbi Frank says, is to use the example of a birthday party and ask youngsters whether they should invite everyone in their class. Or, if they didn’t invite everyone, what they would do if someone came anyway.

As for commemorating the day, there are a number of ways to make it more subdued. “Add a simpler snack, such as a pretzel instead of a popsicle,” says Moskowitz. “Maybe do an art project using simple medium like charcoal on plain white paper.” And Rabbi Frank adds, “Take the day seriously. Find ways for the family to make it feel different. Tell the kids, ‘We’re not getting ice cream.’ Don’t go to the ballgame.”

“The bottom line is to do things differently and more simplified,” says Moskowitz.